Tips if you are in or planning to have polyamorous relationships
We’ve all heard of polyamory, although many of us – even if we are polyamorous ourselves – are still clinging to many misconceptions about this type of relationship. This can lead to a lack of understanding from people who aren’t part of our community, as well as problems between those who are in ‘vanilla’ relationships. This doesn’t have to be the case. There are ways that we can communicate within a polyamorous relationship, and I want to share with you some tips on how you can successfully have a healthy poly relationship so that everyone is happy and understands your position.
Here are some tips:
1. Don’t assume that everyone knows what you mean. When I say something, I don’t mean it in general terms. For example, ‘I want to spend more time with you means something entirely different for my partner #1 than it does for my partner #2, 3, 4 etc.
2. Make sure that everyone is on the same page before you move forward (this is hard, I know). Suppose you’re having a difficult time communicating with your partner about an issue. In that case, it may be helpful if you slow down the process of communication (how do you do this?) to help facilitate understanding between all parties involved.
3. Don’t assume that just because someone doesn’t say anything, they agree with what you are saying or doing—they might be too afraid to speak up for fear of hurting your feelings or disrespecting yours and their partners’ relationship by disagreeing with them in front of everyone else…
4. NEVER EVER change your plans with your partner #1 at the last minute if you have already agreed on a plan with your partner #1. This can turn into an agreement without consent because your partner may unwillingly agree with the last minute change you made.
5. If you are afraid to speak up and bring up difficult conversation (avoidance), you can create major problems in your poly relationships.
Before you can understand how to create the best poly dynamic for yourself, you have to know how to design it. Trust and security are foundational, otherwise, you can’t create an environment of open communication and emotional intimacy. The first thing any relationship involves is the ability to have an honest discussion—and if you don’t believe that a relationship is safe enough, then everyone involved doesn’t stand a chance.
The Golden Rule:
Do not transition from monogamy to polyamory relationships if your past infidelity hasn’t been processed in therapy. If not, it will have disastrous effects on your partner(s) and your relationships.
It is my hope that these tips have been helpful to you and your relationships. Feel free to contact me if you have any comments or questions. OR feel free to reach out to me to discuss your relationships in therapy.