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Tips if you are in or planning to have polyamorous relationships

Tips if you are in or planning to have polyamorous relationships

We’ve all heard of polyamory, although many of us – even if we are polyamorous ourselves – are still clinging to many misconceptions about this type of relationship. This can lead to a lack of understanding from people who aren’t part of our community, as well as problems between those who are in ‘vanilla’ relationships. This doesn’t have to be the case. There are ways that we can communicate within a polyamorous relationship, and I want to share with you some tips on how you can successfully have a healthy poly relationship so that everyone is happy and understands your position.

Here are some tips:

1. Don’t assume that everyone knows what you mean. When I say something, I don’t mean it in general terms. For example, ‘I want to spend more time with you means something entirely different for my partner #1 than it does for my partner #2, 3, 4 etc.

2. Make sure that everyone is on the same page before you move forward (this is hard, I know). Suppose you’re having a difficult time communicating with your partner about an issue. In that case, it may be helpful if you slow down the process of communication (how do you do this?) to help facilitate understanding between all parties involved.

3. Don’t assume that just because someone doesn’t say anything, they agree with what you are saying or doing—they might be too afraid to speak up for fear of hurting your feelings or disrespecting yours and their partners’ relationship by disagreeing with them in front of everyone else…

4. NEVER EVER change your plans with your partner #1 at the last minute if you have already agreed on a plan with your partner #1. This can turn into an agreement without consent because your partner may unwillingly agree with the last minute change you made.

5. If you are afraid to speak up and bring up difficult conversation (avoidance), you can create major problems in your poly relationships.

Before you can understand how to create the best poly dynamic for yourself, you have to know how to design it. Trust and security are foundational, otherwise, you can’t create an environment of open communication and emotional intimacy. The first thing any relationship involves is the ability to have an honest discussion—and if you don’t believe that a relationship is safe enough, then everyone involved doesn’t stand a chance.

The Golden Rule:

Do not transition from monogamy to polyamory relationships if your past infidelity hasn’t been processed in therapy. If not, it will have disastrous effects on your partner(s) and your relationships.

It is my hope that these tips have been helpful to you and your relationships. Feel free to contact me if you have any comments or questions. OR feel free to reach out to me to discuss your relationships in therapy.

Thank you!

Mego

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Mego Nerses Trauma Psychotherapist

© 2021. MegoNerses. MEd RP. All rights reserved.
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Land acknowledgement and reconciliation: I am an immigrant settler who lives and works on the unceded territory of the Anishinabewaki and Algonquin nations, the traditional stewards of these lands who were unfairly an unjustly affected by the Crawford Purchase of 1783. In the spirit of reconciliation, I recognize the historical and ongoing oppression of these lands and cultures, and honour the commitments to self-determination and sovereignty made to Indigenous Nations and Peoples. I commit to work toward reconciliation and abide by the Indigenous Peoples, Communities & Contexts section of CCPA’s Code of Ethics and Standards of Practice.

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Experience You Can Count On

About MEGO NERSES

I am an Ottawa-based Registered Psychotherapist and have a full-time private practice. In the past, I worked in social service agencies for many years. I offer individual, relationship, and sex therapy in English, Arabic, and Armenian to adults 18+, and I do not work with minors.

In 2011, I earned a master’s degree in Counselling from the University of Ottawa. I am a Registered Psychotherapist in Ontario (CRPO#001132) with the College of Registered Psychotherapists of Ontario. In addition, I am a Certified Counsellor with the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA#3058). My clinical training focuses on relationship and sex therapy and trauma/PTSD. Since 2013, I have been at Algonquin College as a seasonal professor, teaching courses in mental health and addiction.

I feel privileged to have had the opportunity to publish peer-reviewed articles and contribute chapters concerning Counselling, coming out, and trauma related explicitly to LGBTQ+ refugees and newcomers to Canada. I have presented numerous workshops and continue to offer trainings nationally and internationally on the mental health of LGBTQI+ and SOGIE refugees and asylum seekers.

 

Professional Work

Early in my professional career, I specialized in individual therapy and served clients with depression, anxiety, PTSD, and grief. Since then, I have taken my clinical work to a higher level and gained more experience in four areas: PTSD and Trauma, Sexuality and Gender Identity, Sex and Relationship Therapy, and Refugee mental health issues. I have received various trainings in these areas since choosing to specialize. As an example, I received training from Division 56, Trauma Psychology, Physicians for Human Rights, and the Global Institute of Forensic Research in writing immigration evaluations for immigration courts. Furthermore, I have completed multiple trainings in trauma/PTSD therapy and relationship therapy (Poly. Kink). I have participated in numerous training opportunities in the field of sex therapy, sexuality, and gender identity. 

I am a LGBTQI+/poly/kink/CNM supportive and informed therapist.

Therapeutic approaches
In addition to Narrative Exposure Therapy for PTSD (NET), I have also been trained in Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT) for PTSD and Experiential Therapy and Focusing. I integrate social justice and rights-based principles into my work as a trauma-informed therapist.

Awards
In recognition of my dedication to helping LGBTQ+ refugees and asylum seekers in Canada, I received the 2017 Humanitarian Award from the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association (CCPA).

AffiliationsI have an international affiliate membership with Division 56, Trauma Psychology, the American Psychological Association (APA), and the Global Institute of Forensic Research.

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Facts about Psychotherapy

  • Psychotherapy is a collaborative process. The therapist and the client must work together to reach the desired outcomes.
  • Research indicates that the quality of the therapeutic relationship between therapists and clients is the highest contributor to change, almost 40%. Therapy modality or approach contributes only 15% to change.
  • The quality of the client-therapist alliance is a reliable predictor of positive clinical outcomes independent of psychotherapeutic techniques and outcome measures (Ardito & Rabellino, 2011).
  • Psychotherapy has been shown to reduce the use of medications, consultations with primary-care physicians, length of inpatient stays, and general health care expenditures by 60% to 90% (Chiles, Lambert, & Hatch, 1999; Kraft, Puschner, Lambert, & Kordy, 2006).
  • Psychotherapy in conjunction with pharmaceutical treatment has been shown to be more enduring and effective in the long term than medication alone.
  • There are more than 100 psychotherapy approaches. Always make sure your therapist is using evidence-based psychotherapy.